I first met Steve at the GAP, an underrated fashion house on Manhattan’s Fifth Avenue. I cost $47 discounted from $59.95 but that devalues my worth. I am priceless. You can’t put a price on someone who dresses the man who works overtime to ensure your democracy. I am Steve Kornacki’s Khakis.
In the two Georgia Senate runoff races, Steve and I will do everything in our power to give you the incoming numbers and uncover the truth. The real star of the runoff regardless of what happens is Steve Kornacki and me, his Khakis. Steve is the one who helps us all understand what numbers mean and what geography is and I’m the one that makes him look hip and fashionable.
People will tell you the Big Board is the mechanism that helps us understand data but that simply isn’t true. Technology is fleeting, but good fashion like khakis is everlasting.
I didn’t plan on getting self-righteous today but I want to tell my emotional truth.
My sole role in life is to clothe and protect Steve; we’re an electric couple. And don’t call him “map daddy” or “Kornacki the snacki” or worse yet “chartthrob.” You are dehumanizing an impeccably well-dressed man who cares about the world.
I’ve always been jealous of Steve’s loyalty to numbers and that ridiculous Big Board. Are numbers really that exciting? Are electoral maps essential? Am I acting insecure? I have to stay in great shape as he jumps up and down whenever he’s in front of the Big Board. My Peloton is simply not cutting it.
Imagine if Steve wore jeans; democracy would never win.
The map regions on the Big Board change between blue and red but I’m always the perfect shade of palomino brown. And besides, I make his already perfect ass look good, hence Steve was voted People’s Sexiest Man alive. It’s about time the people figured it out. I am called the “Kornacki Khaki” but I’m pants with feelings, not an object of desire. I haven’t been washed in days and frankly, I’m exhausted.
I didn’t plan on getting emotional but I’ve been under a lot of stress lately and I feel like I’m about to crack. A salary would help alleviate this.
I am Steve Kornacki’s khakis and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
